October 30, 2003

Interview with a Ghost

Is anyone else bored with ghost stories on the radio? All I hear are call-in shows with people telling of haunted houses. I think this must be to relieve the talk show host of having real live content by letting listeners do the work. And/or people must really eat it up.

Personally, I'm looking for ghost stories with a little more substance, a little more flesh if you will. The ol' rattling of the dishes schtick is getting old. How about an interview with a ghost?

Terrri Gross: Welcome to NPR. Hopefully you'll feel right at home since we invoke the ghosts of liberalism daily.

Ghost: Yes I know. We get NPR here in Purgatory, can't get FoxNews though. Thank you for having me.

Terri Gross: When did you begin to haunt and why did you feel it necessary?

Ghost: I was young and I needed the money. Rimshot! Seriously, it's just somethin' to do. When I was alive I used to put a lot of time into home improvements and I bonded with my house, I guess a little too much. So when I see folks messing around with it - what's up with the velvet Elvis crap! - I tried to discourage their handiwork.

Terri Gross: Did it work?

Ghost: Not as well as I would've liked.

Terri Gross: You died in 1758. What is it about we moderns that most bothers you?

Ghost: You feed your kids Fruity Pebbles. All that suh-gar! Oy vey.

Terri Gross: [chuckles] Are you, er... were you, Jewish?

Ghost: No, I just play one this time of year.

Terri Gross: If we might get serious for a minute, what exactly is a ghost? You mention Purgatory, but are you real or a figment of our imagination? Are you a demonic manifestation? A disembodied spirit?

...And that's where we lost transmission.

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