Translations

I have mixed emotions about dynamic equivalent biblical translations. On the one hand it feels like they're taking liberties, like they're "stealing a base" as Jonah Goldberg might say. But sometimes they steal that base with such finesse and beauty that I find myself a converted by the language.

An example is Psalm 143. The Revised Standard has verses 5-8:

I remember the days of old,
I think about all your deeds,
I meditate on the works of your hands.
I stretch out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord, my spirit fails.
Do not hide your face from me,
or I shall be like those who go down into the Pit.

Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning,
for in you I put my trust.
Teach me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

The New Jerusalem version, has it:

I recall the days of old,
reflecting on all your deeds,
I ponder the works of your hands,
I stretch out my hands to you,
my heart like a land thirsty for you.

Answer me quickly, Yahweh,
my spirit is worn out;
do not turn away your face from me,
or I shall be like those who sink into oblivion.

Let dawn bring news of your faithful love,
for I place my trust in you;
show me the road I must travel
for you to relieve my heart.

I find the New Jerusalem superior, at least with respect to the last two verses. The RSV in this case sounds more distant, more God-at-arm's-length. You can more easily feel the fatigue in the NJ's "my spirit is worn out" and the desperation in "oblivion" rather than "pit". The phrase "reflecting on all your deeds" reminds me of Mary reflecting on the words said to her by the angel and by Jesus, as well as us in our rosary meditations. "Let dawn bring news of your faithful love" is more appropriate than "Let me hear of your steadfast love in the morning", more musical and softer -- to say to someone, "Let me hear from you..." can sound like an order, far different from "Let dawn bring word from you...". The first is like the conversation between business workers, the latter between lovers. "Steadfast" is a colder word than "faithful"; we might normally hear it in these terms: "a steadfast employee...a faithful husband".

The final line, "Show me the road I must travel for you to relieve my heart", although presumably a very creative translation, expresses my own sentiments (if not the Psalmist's) more accurately than "Teach me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul". Flannery O'Connor once wrote that she could "never describe my heart as 'burning' to the Lord (who knows better) without snickering" and in a somewhat similar way I think my announcement to the Lord that I'm lifting up my soul to Him doesn't ring as true as the NJ version.