Mexico Trip LogFatigue makes the past melt, like a Dali painting. Apropos of nothing I remember a cavernous old building made of logs that we visited a few times during the ‘70s. A child's senses are acute and I recall the deep tar fragrance, the same smell as an old wooden bridge on a country lane.
Crew mates on a '3-hour tour'Another vacation memory was driving in Kentucky along highways blasted out of mountain sheet rock. I wanted to climb them so badly. Why go somewhere else when
here was closer and better? Couldn't Dad just pull over to the shoulder and we could go exploring? That the mountains were sheer and unclimbable without gear didn't concern me. Man was made for earth and the idea of uninhabitable climes never made sense. The Artic was a figure of wonderment for that reason. I was relieved that it was far enough away so that no one could innocently cross over into the Artic by accident. As a seven-year old I was concerned about such things. What if someone missed the warning sign that said, "You are now in the Artic. You will die in this cold if you are not a penguin or panda! Go home!"
I am traveling a white dust path under a
Horse With No Name kind of sun, on Friday, the last day of the trip. Crystals of lacquered sun bend down from the sky and hoover just above my bicycle. Potholes are scattered willy-nilly causing swerves and bronco rides. Lush thickets act as pickets on both sides and only rarely does a scooter or VW bug happen by. Isolated, I could be kidnapped by a bandito, perhaps the original Frito Bandito, but I care not since it's the last day of vacation.
An occasional dropsy-do, azure-blue butterfly 'copters by. Bush pillars stand covered with an ivy holding purple flowers to its breast; I imagine them Morning Glories since it is just after ten a.m. The ten kilometer path ends at a marina that has presumably seen better days: the rusting broken shell of a ship and an a broken down auto look vaguely menacing in the way disorder and poverty sometime seem. The water here at this inlet is full of clod-clouds, little brown buoys of what looks like semi-fermented sewage. It's the first time I'd not seen the crystal clear
agape-agate Caribbean water in Cozumel, though far in the distance I can see topaz.
An iguana perches like an Aztec sun god upon his temple, the top of a stone fence. He has prickly cactus hairs that tuft about here and there and in the sun they look to be of the same reddish tint as certain varieties of Irish hair, those undarkened by the Iberians. On a deserted beach there are the ruin of Wilma's hotels and a forlorn marker to Cortes. In a land of Mayan chic there's little love for Spain.
Saturday - Day 1Like painted kites, those days and nights - went flyin' by
The world was new, beneath a blue - umbrella sky
Then softer than, a piper man - one day it called to you
And I lost you, to the summer wind…
-- Frank Sinatra, "Summer Wind"
If I was Dawn Eden, the former professional clever headline writer, I'd have thought of a snappy title for how I got busted at the Columbus airport. I was thinking of some riff off the song "Four Dead in O-hi-o", like "Four Meds in O-hi-O" except it was only one med that I'd brought in my carry-on that got me in trouble, a gel for eczema. I was taken aside and tortured by a Jack Bauer figure. Bauer said he was doing it because I shouldn't be on vacation during Lent since there is nothing penitential about sitting in the sun or swimming in the ocean. My wife was sure – would've bet money - that I'd tried to smuggle a Guinness on board.
* * * Read some of Andrew Greeley's 1972 book on Jesus. Greeley is counter-cultural, even when the culture is counter-cultural. A natural contrarian, a lover of paradox. He wrote scathingly of Liberation Theology back then, back before rejecting it was made fashionable by John Paul II & Cardinal Ratzinger. I think he's the church liberal I most like because of his unpredictability and honesty. Cardinal Ratzinger has always struck me the same: unpredictable (except that he's always orthodox) and honest. Greeley writes that the test of faith, in the end, is something like this: "do we believe the universe is essentially benevolent?". And that a gigantic reservoir of good will is present even though we're mostly oblivious to it. It reminds me of how St. Therese of Lisieux wrote about a dream involving Venerable Mother Anne of Jesus, whom St. Therese had never invoked in prayer and was indifferent to. It seemed Mother Anne had an intense personal love for Therese and it hit the saint with the force of a revelation. Lest this only be the purview of saints, there's the story of a mafia hit man who had a near death experience of this tremendous outpouring unconditional love towards him and how it changed his life. To recall Flannery O'Connor, perhaps it's not that her character would've been a good woman if she had a gun pointing out her all of her life but if she'd known she was loved all of her life?
Prayer can seem a way of wooing God's love, as if he's a spurned suitor who now must be won back. It's true he is always the spurned lover since we are the transgressors and He is not, but that can leave us thinking we initiate when it is actually God constantly wooing us.
Greeley follows Bill Buckley's dictum of never being boring, with the exception of (Greeley's) fiction. A test for the novelist: would it be published if not for their fame in other areas? "Priest writes erotic novel" suggests that if he wasn't a priest it wouldn't have been published. Fairly or unfairly, I'm not too interested in Jim Lehrer's or Newt Gingrich's fictional efforts either. But how can you not like a priest who says he writes books because what else is a celibate of Irish heritage supposed to do? I'm not sure the subliminal principle is best resolved by writing sexy novels but I suppose it beats drinking heavily, the other Irish occupation.
Reading over the seemingly endless 1984 journal it seems I had an enormous capacity for recognizing my own specialness. Age, to some extent, tends to beat that out of you. It's interesting to read it to see where I was under-catechized. I'm impressed that I could be so edified by a fictional soap opera character; a few times "Hillary Wilson" of
All My Children was singled out for approval. Seems I was very catholic, small ‘c', in my choices of gurus. Was there a saint shortage then or where they just too distance in time and place?
I got to thinking about role models and what impact John F. Kennedy had on American Catholicism. Was he a sort of anti-martyr? In his speech at Houston, proclaiming his independence, he said that he would not let his Faith impact his earthly duties as president. Saints seem to say the opposite – they would not let their earthly duties impact their Faith. St. Thomas More said he would not go along with King Henry VIII's divorce and died for it. Martyrs, in the eyes of the world, are discredited in the short run and credited in the long run. JFK was seen, in the eyes of the world, as the glamorous embodiment of Camelot in the short run.
* * * Bad
Frommer's, bad. There were notes on spas and cybercafes, bars and hotels and restaurants, but not a word about the existence of a church in the Yucatan. Feed the body, not the soul is the message in
Frommer's Guide to Cancun & Cozumel & the Yucatan Region.
Fourteen dense pages of Mexican history are included in an appendix and it's a pristine example of secular Know-Nothingism. Only one grudging mention that the country is Roman Catholic, and that is "softened" by an explanation that there is still a large amount of pre-Hispanic influence. In Cozumel I saw the image of Our Lady of Guadalupe in a niche on the side of our hotel, in local restaurants and elsewhere but the book doesn't even acknowledge the image's ubiquitous existence.
The picture on the front cover shows an empty chair on a beach in front of an aqua-marine horizon – they are selling a book to the masses by selling a picture of a solitude. But no beach really looks like that. I think we like the idea of solitude more than its practice.
* * * Hurry up and relax is no way to relax. This restlessness I intend to resolve by drinking copious quantities of Dos Equis Amber ("when in Rome…"). I considered the possibility of trying to get a third of my calories from beer during the trip. In the first hour I've had two beers, one cigar, one swim, and read one paragraph read from a beach novel. Part of it is due to the natural discombobulation at learning that I no longer had a working credit card. My visa was denied at the front desk when I tried to check in. We used my wife's, but I was worried someone had gotten the card (it has happened in the past) and charged it up to the limit. It's not like those charges can't be reversed, but it's the principle of the thing. You feel violated and it offends justice that the crooks always get away with it, at least they got away with the thousands of dollars they charged on my card last year. [It turned out my card requires that I notify them when I leave the country; by default all out-of-country charges are denied.]
There are Mayan ruins within day trip distance but I'm turned off the idea after reading that the original pyramids were gold-plated with stained blood from sacrifices. Gruesome, yes, but a whole different picture than the neutered stone now. Just as paganism is prettied-up by our society, pagan buildings don't look like the way they did then. If you toured the White House in the year 2525 and you saw it surrounded by forest and covered by scaling ivy you wouldn't be seeing the White House as it really looks and yet the 2525 visitor would think: "ah…so THIS is what the White House looked like!". Time-traveling isn't easy, unless you're looking at the moon or the ocean, both of which haven't changed over the millennia.
SundayA century ago an excavation uncovered a very old statue of Michael the Archangel and because it was found on his feast day the town and church were named San Miguel (St. Michael) in his honor - something you obviously won't read in Frommer's. The statue is in San Miguel's church today, above the altar and below the crucifix. Later there was an evening Mass with people spilling out in the streets and alley, making a kind of vestibule out of what was an hour earlier secular space.
We arrived around 8:30am for the 9:00 Mass after finding out that Corpus Christi's mass times were not what was shown on the masstimes.org website. There were already a dozen souls present, maybe more. I prayed for them, thinking the Mexican church might well end up being the evangelizers of our American church via Hispanic immigration. Readings in Spanish were handed out and we tried to follow them both in Spanish and in English (the latter I'd brought with me). The words of Consecration transcended language barriers.

Back at the hotel, Playa Azul, I go for a 3-mile run and notice a gila monster. Or at least that's what I decided to tell my naturalist uncle who likes to correct my naturalist errors. Why deprive him? It was actually an iguana, silver with vertical black stripes and a ‘gobble' under the neck. The real excitement was seeing what seemed to be baby barracudas in the water, at least that's what my uncle said they could be. They could also be tube fish. Barracudas sound cooler. The multisyllablic name is fitting for a fish with such teeth, like John Wayne Gacy or John Wilkes Booth or Hillary Rodham Clinton.
Monday"Well I pulled out of Pittsburgh…" – "Six Days on the Road"
Slept like a rockasuarous last night. Yesterday I'd driven a seemingly Caliphate-era bike, rickety but with wide radial tires, and experienced the dislocation up & down parched roads full of life, walkers, scooters, autos, push-carts, bikers, school children in uniforms. The bike ride and snorkeling have their soporific effect.
We're going to scuba dive/snorkel tomorrow. The snorkel rental booth gal talked my wife into it. It's 9-4, a large expanse of vacation time, time that could be spent biking, running, drinking & reading & writing. So I have mixed emotions. The dive shop is "manned" by two German girls, one from Hamburg the other from near Berlin. The Berliner was friendly although it could be that I just pissed the other one off by attempting to speak German without a license. The Hamburg girl (Hamburger?) sounded like Arnold Schwarzneggar and I pointed that out. That she hates Schwarzneggar is predictable in hindsight. 99% of twenty-something Europeans think American Republicans are just below reptiles on the biological scale of likeability, movie star or not.
* * *Read some of Gopnik's
Paris to the Moon book. Counterintuitively, retirement is less attractive to me now than it was when I was 25. Perhaps I've become too Americanized, too utilitarian. Gopnik insists the French, though hardly models of anything, have a different perspective than we do, although his categorization of American retirees is cartoonishly unfair:
"Retirement isn't scary here…[In America] it is the vestibule of death. In France there is no equivalent anxiety and there are no great Florida-style gulags for the elderly. One of the striking things about Paris is that it is filled with old people who actually look old: bent, fitted out with canes, but dining and lunching and walking their dogs…The humiliations visited on old people in America – dressed up like six-year olds, in shorts and t-shirts and sneakers, imploding with rage – aren't common here…".
Tuesday"God-haunted, mother-approved." - anonymous
There was no way I was going to go scuba diving. My hard and fast rule is to never operate heavy machinery on the ocean floor. Google "snorkeling accident" versus "scuba diving accident" and see the difference. I'm not sure I like that my wife is doing it either but I figure she won't take undue risks, like trying to go down 1000 feet. She's a safe driver car-wise and there's probably a carry-over. She's definitely a mystery wrapped inside an enigma. Didn't want to go in the water on Sunday because there were "creepy things" in there, i.e. it wasn't a sterile environ. But I insisted she snorkel with me and she was hooked. There are pretty creatures in that water! Beauty overcometh much and her love for animals overcometh more. She later said this was probably her favorite vacation ever, which is saying something seeing how she's been to Hawaii a couple of times.
It was beautiful underwater; from above the water looks so opaque and empty but then you put your head in and it's like opening a lid – so much life and beauty. A metaphor of sorts; you can't judge an ocean by its cover. There was a vertiginous feeling to being so "high up", a sensation of flying. I saw a barracuda – the real thing this time – a pair of eagle rays, a nurse shark lying on the sandy bottom and a myriad of fish. My wife saw all those excluding the shark but including a giant sea turtle.
The dive master was gruff but loveable Don, ex-82nd Airborne and now itinerant wanderer originally from San Diego. He says we all come from water, presumably amniotic fluid, and so the fear is misplaced. The dive instructor, Alex, is originally from Munich Germany and says he'll never go back. He is patient and respectful, not disdainful towards rookies. He does not rebuff them in his strength, perhaps because he remembers he was once a rookie.
The snorkel/dive trip was partially a comedy of errors from my perspective. I acquired a severe contusion on my foot while trying to re-enter the rocking boat. Call it a snorkeling accident. The bruise is pink and purple and looks not unlike a tropical fish. Call it ‘revenge of the blowfish'. I've got my own toe tattoo now. During the 1 ½ hour trip to the dive spot I was repeatedly soaked by cold ocean water and then the second half of the trip I had to pee like a racehorse. So did the women, and they hung on to a ladder off the side of the boat and went. My naturalist uncle said that women can go much easier than men since there are far fewer muscles involved and thus far fewer to relax. Things you learn on trips.
The giving of tips to the boat captains & crew feels awkward, something to do quickly and unobtrusively as possible. I think it's a hangover from my old niggardly days when I'd wad up a $1 bill and hope it passed for multiple bills.
Steph, by contrast, is a good woman. She already has a total stranger at the hotel on her prayer list. He told her about his diving injury – the bends – and how he was paralyzed last week. Now he can get around but a doctor visits him.
WednesdayToday's breakfast sight: a great-tailed grackle steals a packet of sugar from a table at the outdoor restaurant, rips it open and sucks up the sweetness. Yesterday's sight at a San Miguel restaurant: a wood crucifix with the corpus made of cutlery: a fork for the head, spoons for the outstretched arms.
Beach reads can be easy or tough to find. If you feel like reading, any will do. If you don't then you're a "fussy reader" and none will do. I don't like my decreased tolerance of "minutiae", be it for small talk or fiction reading. I began a popular novel and I can't get interested in the characters. Impatience I suppose. It's a scary thought but perhaps even readers need a reading fast from time to time. So I watch the sea and rest and scribble words and indulge my own form of minutiae: "
crashing sea, clashing sea, potion ocean, briney lotion. Sea-burnt till surf-born wellness, agate es ihnen
! He greets the morning sea, the morning lea, clouds scatter, dappled things: "imagine thanking God for spots!"... Chrome waters, sea-green eyes, chromatic sea the color of marbles and all manner of fish from white-sand cholers to rife-reef roamers. Fin-finescle, fin-finale, finiscules phantasia..."I'd brought probably twenty or twenty-five books down but for a few days I felt like singing the literary equivalent of Bruce Springsteen's television lament
Fifty-seven Channels but Nothing's On.
It's hard to know the jungle from the outside. From the periphery it may or may not be jungle. It could be one-dimensional; a screen, and you have to penetrate it to be sure. A few glimpses afforded inside show it unbelievably dense although total denseness would allow no views from the outside in. St. Thomas Aquinas wrote, "At the end of our knowledge, God is ultimately known as an unknown, because the mind knows God most perfectly when it knows that his essence is above all that can be known in this life." It's, in a sense, the opposite of an algebraic expression. X is unknown and we attempt to solve for it, thereby discovering X. Do we start, as children, with God as a known quantity and slowly unsolve for Him? "Neither a Catholic nor a pagan knows God as he is in himself," said the Angelic Doctor. Timothy Radcliffe O.P. says that Thomas ‘accepted defeat' concerning the question "what is God?" due to his respect for God's mystery.
On the fringes there are many iguanas, disconcerting for their ugliness though not in a scary way. Their cragginess and wrinkles and Jefferson Davis chins suggest age instead of malevolence. (The devil was envisioned as a smooth, unwrinkled snake after all.) True malevolents don't live long enough to see old age, Gore Vidal excepted (just a jest). It seems you have to age past youth in order to see youth – and feminine beauty – as ordered towards procreation. God made women so attractive to ensure that the earth would be fruitful and multiply. It can be a surprise to learn that a woman's breasts are intended not for a man's enjoyment but for nursing. To really be able to consistently see the ultimate purpose of things I suppose is a definition of wisdom. St. Dominic studied but did so only in order to convert heretics. As much as he loved study, it was a means to an end. "The Word Among Us" calls all our inordinate desires "bullies", and bullies do prey on the weak.
On the taxi drive home from dinner we experienced high performance auto racing. The woman tried to break the sound barrier. Afterwards Steph mentioned how fast we went and the driver smiled. She'd probably heard that before. On my bike rides around town I notice with distaste that the only signs that are in Spanish AND English say "No Trespassing", thus denying plausible deniability.
ThursdayA funny:
"What happened to your knee?" my wife asks another scuba diver.
"I had a meniscectomy."
"They're down there!?"
We were supposed to catch a flight today but everything's all bollixed up up
Norte way. Six hours before the flight and the plane was already delayed and that was just the first leg of what would promise to be the more difficult Atlanta-to-Columbus connection. All-in-all it appeared best we stay down here another day, come what may in terms of expense. Fortunately the airline didn't charge us for skipping the flight today in favor of tomorrow. Fortunately we were allowed to stay in our same rooms one more night (a wedding party was slowly taking over the joint - a young couple was to be married Friday night here). We had to pay for the extra night of course but it beat spending the night in the Atlanta airport. Sprung with new life, we soaked in the sun one last day...
Epilogue: instant vacation nostalgia – just wait two days and add pictures. Guaranteed your muscle and skin memories will recall the sun, water and feeling of gargantuan quantities of time. Even the doors in the hotel room induce reverie. Remember that last night, when we walked to the end of the pier?