July 17, 2008

Watching COPS with the Sound Turned Down

I've found, over time, that this dialogue works for most episodes of COPS.

(Head shot of officer talking):"I've been with the [insert city name] police force for [X] years. I love being a police officer. Every day, every call is different. We get to get the bad guys off the street. The main thing is to come back home safely.”

(Pulls up behind suspect acting suspiciously): “Don't reach in your pocket! Got any ID?"

(Suspect runs and is caught):

Officer breathlessly: "Why'd you run?"

Suspect: "I was scared."

Officer: "Scared of the police? Why would you be scared of the police? Got a warant?"

Suspect: "No, no warrants."

Officer: "You sellin'?"

Suspect: "I don't do drugs. Don't have any drugs."

Officer: "What'd you toss out the window?"

Suspect: "I didn't toss anything."

(Officer picks up drugs tossed from window & then searches car, finds more drugs.)

Officer: "What's this?"

Suspect: "They ain't mine."

Officer: "Is this your car?"

Suspect: "Yes."

Officer: "Then how'd they get there?"

Suspect: "I don't know but they ain't mine."

COPS Laws

1) Oddly, cops act surprised when someone who likely just committed a crime lies to them. Police expect criminals to incriminate themselves by confessing.

2) It's been said that few in jail admit guilt. Similarly, almost no one caught admits guilt no matter how far-fetched the story (i.e. "someone just let me borrow their car - don't know their name or why"). "I didn't do nuthin'" is the most heard line on COPS.

3) Amazingly, cops are suspicious of people who act nervous when pulled over, even though being nervous is the natural reaction for someone who just got pulled over even if unaware of doing anything wrong.

4) Based on COPS, if there weren't drugs or domestic abuse they'd have little to do but drive around.

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