February 02, 2009

On Moving to a New Floor within Corp Inc.

Okay, so I feel sheepish about totally falling into the cliche of the change-phobic office-worker who doesn't want to lose his chair. Ideally I'd be willing to bear any burden, sit in any chair, and like it -- because that's the sort of guy I am, that is impervious to the sillinesses of the workaday world. Er, sort of guy I wish I was. Thus I feel like a character in the Joshua Ferris novel. And I know I'm lucky to just have a job.

But I suppose the thing I object most to is the Orwellian propaganda, specifically the accompanying brochure that cheerily states, "It's Your Move!" -- as if I had anything to do with either the move's genesis, exodus or leviticus. As I said, I couldn't even secure my old comfy chair. To paraphrase an old saying don't feed me sh-t and tell me it's caviar. If you're not going to give me credit for sucking it up it's harder to suck it up.

Certainly I've gotten soft in the wiles and wherefores of office politics, which is to say I played my hand stupidly. Back ten years ago I had lower back-pain, the result of an old basketball injury, and was able to secure an ergonomically-desirable chair that had the additional benefit of being comfortable. Natch I wanted to hold onto it during the latest move, despite the Nazification of the floor decor that required all chairs and cubicals be homogenized.

I had cleared it with my secretary who I thought cleared it with the movers. (Mistake number 1.) The movers did not move said chair despite the sticker saying "move this chair" because I was not on their special may-take-chair-with-him list.

Figuring it was a mistake, I moved the chair from floor x to floor y by myself. It didn't take long for fan and manure to meet. The Floor Warden came by in an orange (brownshirt?) shirt and was very disturbed by presence of said chair. They had intentionally not moved it and thus it would have to go. Couldn't I see how it didn't match the surroundings? She must've had the eye of a poet for I could see no such disaster. For one thing it's tucked away inside a cube. And secondly everyone decorates their cube walls in wildly eccentric ways that make a chair seem, by comparison, a mild design feature.

She said that they can get me good ergonomically-correct chairs and that I needed to call the health area in order to have a nurse to come up. Now tis true that my back hasn't given me trouble for years, so I'm not sure the need for my old chair is what it used to be. But I'm actually trying to help Corp Inc. with my attempt to assert control over my office furniture. They say that feeling empowered in your job helps your morale and productivity. I was empowering myself to my old chair in order to empower our earnings statement. I give and I give.

5 comments:

William Luse said...

The movers did not move said chair despite the sticker saying "move this chair" because I was not on their special may-take-chair-with-him list.

hysterical

mrsdarwin said...

Marvelous. This anecdote merits its very own Dilbert strip.

HokiePundit said...

Next time just slip $20 to one of the movers and be done with it.

Maureen said...

Thank you, Lord, for never allowing the chair police to set up in my company. Fashion police we have, Cozylegs police we have had, but our chairs are safe.

TS said...

True dat Hokie!