October 13, 2009

Dumb Person's Guide to the Orchestra

So all these music players are sitting around in a half-oval, as if around an imaginary campfire that gives heat in one direction, and then all of a sudden another player comes out and sits way up in the middle front. And everyone applauds! I'm thinking geesh what a great gig - you show up late and everyone claps!

But he wasn't even the latest. This tall feller all dressed up like a penguin with a long black tail, he comes up and everyone claps even louder. Then he rushes off-stage, as if he forgot to go to the bathroom, and then re-appears quick-like and everyone claps all the more! I think he run off just because he wanted to get more applause so I withhold me own. Funniest thing is he didn't play no instrument! He was up there the whole time taking up space and waving a pretend magic wand.

After half-time, which I might add they had no entertainment whatever, no marching band, no cheerleaders, they rolled out this big piano for what they called a "soloist". And this itsy bitsy girl comes out and man do her fingers fly 'cross that keyboard! She could flat out play! Then she hushes the orchestra and plays a couple of tunes I ain't heard of but I thought it rude to make the orchestra just sit there while she goes on and on. I don't rightly know if she cleared it beforehand. Seemed like she was improvisin'.

She quit and everyone stood up to cheer her quittin', which I thought rude. I got out my lighter and held the flame aloft...

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