January 27, 2010

Fiction While Flying

My name is Darin Hunter, an out of work actor who writes novels for relatives and friends. My primary literary goal is to avoid using the third person omniscient. I find first person omniscient more to my liking even though I really don’t know myself all that well. My motives are often mysterious and paths circuitous.

Which reminds me, have you heard the one about the third person omniscient? The punchline goes, "that must mean my husband since he's the third person today who think he knows it all.”

I write my novels only on plane trips, since it's the only extended period of time available for concentration. Costs a lot of money but I'm sure my relatives and friends think it's worth it. I fly roundtrip on the same day causing a lot of furrowed brows at the check-in counter. I always get a middle seat, free from the interruptions of view or beverage cart.

Sometimes I write about the goings-on inside the plane, like the fact that there's a dark blue curtain separating business class from coach, a sort of caste system like they have in India. Do we in back carry some communicable disease such that a curtain is required to prevent transmission?

The flight attendant is a young black woman with hair that ascends heroically. Idly I wonder how long it took to make it behave so obediently, each lifted hair in symphonic unity. I think immediately of a friend who has a thing for African-American women. She’s stern and takes her flight attendant duties seriously, and tells my seat partner to move his bag under the seat in front of him. He makes an strenuous effort only to gain millimeters. A few minutes later she tells him again, with similar results. He figures the third time he'll come clean and admit the bag is really too big for that space. Physics wins again.

No comments: