The inimitable Zmirak shares his Lenten read:
Therefore, it seems to my risk-averse, utility maximizing mind that the wisest course of action is to shun at once the madness of the saints and the worst excesses of sin, to keep my head down in the security line lest the Theocentric Security Angels (TSA) stop me and frisk me, hoping that I can make it onto the flight with my 7 oz. bottle of illegal tequila.
Remaining in such a state is not the ideal way to spend a Lent -- and we only get a limited number of them before we die, so it only seems prudent to make each blasted one of them count. So I'm trying a few expedients to pry my slothful soul from its Tempur-Pedic® easy chair.