Close followers of the situation will know that today marks the thirty-second consecutive day that I have retained possession of my old chair in the new environment. This alone is an amazing accomplishment but while the wheels of bureaucracy turn slowly, they do turn. Make no mistake about that. And I don't have to tell you that it has not been a bloodless victory, and may well be pyrrhic.
Out of the blue, Nurse Nightingale invited me to a meeting to assess my chair situation. In fact, the Lotus note was actually titled "Chair Assessment". No good can come from this, as we all know, since my chair has already been assessed by me as just fine. It appears the powers-that-be have gotten to her and made her an offer she couldn't refuse: drink the Kool-aid or suffer the consequences. So sad!
Stay tuned for further developments. The forecast is pessimistic. To quote Admiral Boom in "Mary Poppins": Storm signals are up at number 17. Bit of heavy weather brewing there.
The Provincial Emails (stealing from Terrence)
--a true story, told in one act
Me: I saw you sent me a meeting notice. What happened? Did the bureaucrats get to you? :-)So that's it boys and girls. I'm tapped out, out of options. End of the line. I won't let the company spend that kind of money on a new chair. It's all over but the tread marks on my back (the new chairs are made of Goodyear tire & rubber instead of cloth).
Nurse (former) Nightingale: Ha! Ha! They're actually willing to buy you a new chair. So, I can take a look at yours and we'll get you one that serves the same purpose. I just need to see it to start with. I really can't believe they're willing to buy you a new one! Specialty chairs are NOT cheap at all. So, what do you think? =)
Me: *sigh* Am I to suppose that this generous offer to buy me a new chair is an offer I can't refuse?
Nurse (fomer) Nightingale: =D Of course! You know where the power lies!
Meanwhile my bosses' boss had a great line. One of the company mantras is "We Value People" and he said it should be changed to "We Value Chairs". (rimshot!)
5 comments:
This is compensating for lack of new Office episodes on Thurs. nights. I appreciate your suffering and sharing...
"Chair Assessment" is ominous, like "Desk Audit". Thus a whimsical note is appropriate.
The other day I noticed tags on the telephone poles in the neighborhood. Each tag bears a number, a bar code and the title "Pole Inventory". Now how dense must they be if they wouldn't notice one gone missing without resorting to inventory tags?
Yeah what is with that Ellyn? I can't believe how irregular the Office is and how they can got weeks without shows. I just regret that I have but one chair to give towards our (mutual) entertainment.
Funny Gregg, but we had a pole left in our backyard last year and I called what I thought was the proper authority and they said it wasn't their pole. Who knew?
What exactly does your company do? Because it's amazing how much time and money must go into this chair silliness. On the other hand, your job must be safe if there's extra money to spend on "chair enforcement". :)
I was surprised to learn that this sort of bureaucratic behavior and obsession with minutiae is not the exception but the norm in many companies. Joshua Ferris wrote a book which was eerily similar to my own chair battle.
I don't know if my job is safe since there tends to be a lack of logic to these things. The right hand can waste money prodigiously while the left is thrifty. The CEO might get millions of dollar in bonuses while at the same time employee positions are cut.
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