Video Meliora, proboque; Deteriora sequor

Fiction for a Tuesday: "Hosting Bob Novak"

To be called "the Prince of Darkness" by Washington beltway denizens who carry out the devil's policies while thinking themselves on the side of the angels is to pay Robert D. Novak the ultimate compliment - one that he makes no secret of relishing.

I remember seeing the old codger decades ago when he was celebrating his fortieth year in journalism. I was then in the YAF leadership at a large public university and Novak had been invited by the college to speak. A friend of his wanted to play a joke by letting Novak assume it would be the typical secular audience when instead we were busing conservative kids in from out-of-state so that he'd have a university crowd he'd never seen, one that was to the right politically even of him.

Novak was scheduled to give a brief talk and then open it up to Q & A. The bewilderment on his face was priceless when shortly into his remarks he repudiated Soviet gulags and received applause. In other talks he'd given most of the kids liked the idea of Soviet gulags, at least as far wanting to send Nixon and his cronies there.

He looked like Bernard Lewis up there, balding, with the arch eyebrows and big teeth and loopy grin. You couldn't help but love him. Bill Buckley, who'd set the whole joke up thought every conservative should at least one time know the joy of a packed house of cheering youths instead of jeering ones.

Novak continued with his standard set, roiling against Communism and atheism and arguing for the free market and capital gains cuts. It wasn't long before he came to the conclusion he'd been set up.

"I've been set up," he grinned. But then the crowd turned ugly, on Buckley's pre-arranged signal.

Four youths wearing "Life Begins at Conception" began heckling Novak for not being pro-life enough. (It was well-known that Bob supported National Right to Life, while they supported American Life League.)

The kids approached the podium gesticulating wildly and foaming at the mouth (they'd armed themselves with shaving cream for the foaming effect). They'd also not showered in days so that Bob would get the whiff of body odor. They were removed by campus police after going limp in order to make the officers' jobs more difficult.

They were so realistic that Bob wasn't sure if this was part of the act or not. He began the Q & A segment when protestors demanding an immediate tax cut interrupted him. They'd thought Bob was not strong enough on the issue and had begun chanting "Novak's a sellout, so get the hell out!"

The first question was "What can we do about the threat of the irreligious left?" but before Bob could answer others began chanting:

"Sanger lied, children died!"

and

"Planned Parenthood Emptied Out the 'hood!"

Novak kept his composure & Buckley came up to explain the whole gag. It surely was a campus visit Robert Novak will never forget.