Received an interesting email from a fellow inquirer on the religious/lay issue.
She writes in part:
Just last night on our family walk around the neighborhood I was pondering whether those in the religious life need more grace than the married. I was actually wondering whether it was that people who were too distracted by human relationships are called to celibacy so they can focus better on God, or that people who aren't strong enough to cope without the constant support of marriage and family life are called to marriage so they don't despair and lose their focus on God. I had always figured it was the latter, but maybe it's both. Maybe neither.
I think in theory a celibate could have less need for grace because he would have the time to focus on God and even in his human relationships there would be less distraction than in marriage where a couple can end up feeling just like partners in managing a house and paying the bills and so on. But marriage has so many lesser goods to help keep your strength up if you don't let them displace God which I suppose is the hard part. I only have one child but I'm really disorganized and wasn't the best prepared for these responsibilities, still, having him has done so much to help me get my priorities in order -- meaning put God first which is the only way I can be the best mother for him. And it's not just that I realize I'd better shape up because raising kids is hard and I need help from God; it's also that he is so incredibly sweet and wonderful and naturally elicits a flow of gratitude and praise to God for this gift. Having six children I honestly believe would multiply the blessings much more than the crosses or temptations.
I replied that she may be right that additional blessings accruing from having more kids, but a mother I know well had three and said it about killed her. Another PIQ (person in question) had six and experienced severe depression - it almost broke her. That was back in the days when men just went to work and did nothing around the house or help with the children.
So to my mind it's more impressive in some ways to be a mother of six than to be, say, an average priest, one of whom told me that selfishness is a real problem among his fellow priests precisely because they don't have anyone to answer to. They often live quietly with a housekeeper and lots of free meals. With any exercise you only develop the muscles you need for that particular exercise - in other words, running won't prevent sore muscles after playing tennis. Similarly, developing the muscle of patience is done by exercising it (easier said than done) and unselfishness ditto.
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