June 03, 2004

The Air and Water Diet

So I was standing in line waiting for something called the "Mexican Sizzlin' Salad", a welcome conglomeration of chicken, beans, lettuce, tomatoes and cheese served in a large tortilla bowl. There appeared to be two stacks of tortilla shells with a sign that offered a "low carb" option.

My wife's on something called "The South Beach Diet" and we joke that I'm on the "North Beach Diet" - lots of bread, cereals, and alcohol. So I thought what the heck, I'll try the low carb option today. Those shells looked pretty darn similar to me and there's no use in useless carbs. So when it was my turn I quietly asked for the low carb edition.

Well it turns out the low carb edition looks awfully similar to the no carb edition. They simply proffer you no shell. I believe in duty, God and country but not in changing an order and thus making people behind me suffer for my change of mind, so I grimaced and bore it. I know y'all are impressed.

As I move away the very overweight woman behind me is speaking loudly for my benefit: "I'll have the FULL carb. None of that low carb stuff for me." Cruelty thy name is woman.

I understand the cafeteria's offering a new low-carb drink. It's called water.

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