"Running thru fields where children have played,I'm in the process of converting ancient adolescent journal entries from paper & ink to computer because the latter can be password protected. Once done, the paper & ink will be burned. I'm not sure it's worth it because a) I never read the old entries and b) the quality is low. But it's sort of an interesting if exquisitely embarrassing exercise. This entry was mildly amusing: "Some think I’m about as athletic as an intoxicated Richard Nixon. But that’s changing as I surprised them by beating Gridley in one-on-one basketball [which is] akin to outquoting Billy Graham with scriptures."
Running thru alleys where drunks have prayed."
Another: "[It was a] culture shock that lacked all culture."
Erica Jong's "How to Save Your Own Life" was apparently on my reading list. I don't recall reading it, but perhaps the title alone intrigued me in all its self-help, Pelagian temptation. The Lord helped me.
Reading these, I've been wondering about the connection between artistic flourish and narcissism. I think it was Tom of Disputations who said he doesn't much appreciate poetry and I've always sensed it was because he equates it with narcissism or anti-rationalism. Rosselini, a realist film director, disliked Felini's surrealism, in part (my impression) because he thought surrealism was showing off. There's a certain amount of escapism inherent in art, isn't there? Escape from rationalism? In my journals, "woe-is-me"s are juxtaposed with pretty words, sans plot or moral. I collected words for their own sake: 'aria', 'mellifluous', 'translucent'. Still, the anti-utilitarianism in art is a good part of its God-given power to refresh and renew.
More? Glad you asked!
"Sometimes I go without writing for a while and then I write and an explosion of emotion comes out like a healing spring. Anger, love come out juxtaposed in a strange way. Like a dream in which I’m in love with a girl while I’m being shot at."
Nothing like being shot at to make you angry.
The body was often (naturally) a theme. Being in prime physical shape was a double-edged sword: "One edge is good – The mastery of a sport / And obedience of the will. / One edge is bad- The creating of desires / intense & insatiable."
Speaking of youth, this from Steven Riddle is hilarious:
I used to wear all black. Everything. And I recall once when I was younger (but I retained the attitude) my mother said, "Why don't you go out and play?" I responded to her, "I'm cultivating a Victorian pallor. Sun must not touch this skin."
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