It was like one of the old Love Boat episodes where you have the familiar cast along with one guest star. In this case the substitute caller was a dead ringer for the singer Moby. Kim asked him if he'd been told that before and he said yes he had. She offered, I think, that he called much better than Moby sang.The carpet got pulled out from under me later on when a middle-aged lady who was buying tickets like John Daly drinks said she had to get up at 3:30. As in A.M. As in "works two jobs so has to get up at 3:30 A.M." It put the great fatigue that is Bingo in perspective, or rather it left me slack-jawed at how the other half lives.
Bingo tonight was so busy ("how busy was it!"), it was so busy that I got carpel tunnel from counting cash. It was so busy that we made enough money to keep Eliot Spitzer in hookers for the rest of the millennium. It was so busy that I missed the end of the Xavier-WVU basketball game -- and that's just not right.
We also had a fat man indecently exposing himself. It's a law of the universe (the one just after gravity) that this always occurs with a fat man and never a pretty girl. One lady sitting behind (no pun intended) him told Kim, "tell him to cover himself" but Kim declined since how do you go about telling an extremely overweight guy that he's showing way too much crack for those pants?
Then too I heard that Mr. Clean got propositioned at bingo. Mr. Clean is, as his moniker suggests, a muscular, bald co-worker. A black lady said to him, "have you ever been with a black woman?" He said no, she offered to be the first, but he declined. And you thought bingo was family-friendly.
Another co-worker mentioned the time he was driving 85 miles per hour while quaffing a beer. These are two mutually exclusive acts, like wearing an American flag lapel pin at a Rev. Wright service. You can drive 85, or you can drink, but you cannot do both. (Reminds me of the joke told by Little Jimmy Dickens. He was getting a little up there in age when his wife said to him, "let's go run upstairs and make love". And he said, "I can do one or the other but I cannot do both!")
So the driver's brother would pass him a new beer and then discard the empty, presumably in the cooler in the back. But instead he was putting them on top of the cooler.
The cop pulled him over, noticed the beer cans, and ended up writing him a $235 ticket for open container and a $100 ticket for speeding. He said he was "lucky the cop was cool".
"Sorry," his brother sheepishly said.
Them were some expensive beers.
Speaking of beers, there was beer after bingo tonite and I experienced gravely mixed emotions: the good news is they were free. The bad news is they were Bud Lights. And the problem is that once you go dark beer, you never go back.
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