"Nothin' could be finer than to be in Caroliner in the morrrrnin'!"Read kind of a humorous website about South Carolinians upset about all the Ohioans moving there. I won't link it, as I don't want to encourage that sort of thing, but it was satisfyingly jejune and the comments back and forth were of the same tenor of our Cincinnati grade school taunt to other Ohio cities: "but our symphony is better!" As if! As if we ever even went to the symphony. Most of us were musically illiterate but were willing to use anything to defend our cause. ("And we have the finest water polo team in the tri-state too!")
Speaking of illiteracy, one of the funnier emails was from an Ohio guy complaining about the illiteracy of Carolinians while misspelling every fourth word. Needless to say, an SC responder noticed and helpfully pointed out the errors.
Most of the taunts can be grouped into just a few categories:
1) Ohioan criticizes SC in response to the website.....(and thus we arrive back at number 2 above in an endless loop action)
2) Carolinian responds, "if it's so bad here, then why'd you come down here in the first place? Uhhhh!?"
3) Ohioan makes obligatory Civil War comment: "We beat your @ss once, are we gonna have to do it again?" or "Why don't you secede again since that worked out so well the first time?"
4) Carolinian responds, "Oh that's so original....NOT!"
5) SC: "Ohioans are fat!"
6) OH: "Carolinians are dumb!"
7) SC: "Y'all can't drive!"
8) OH: "You can't drive! And where's your Southern hospitality?"
9) SC: "Why you here if you don't like our Southern hospitality?"
Another funny discussion was on the relative merits of an SC versus Ohio education, which was hilarious because each brought out some link from some federal agency showing that one state or the other was two or three places ahead even though neither was in the top half of the country. "My state is 31st in education and you're 34th, so there!!" (Call it "the Battle of the Mediocrities'!)
Anyway, I enjoyed the witty comebacks but was sad that not once was there any mention of anyone's mother wearing army boots.
One SC'r came to the conclusion that Hilton Head is the source of the evil:
"I have the real theory. Ohioans all vacation in Hilton Head. My family has grown up going to our beach house and we are always bombarded by mini van after mini van. My dad hates renting to Ohians because they always try and argue with the prices. Anyway, the kids have grown up vacationing there and then when they get older it is ingrained in their bitter minds that they must attend college in our great state so they go to Clemson or College of Charleston. The rest is history...The way to fix this problem would be by making it more difficult for Ohioans to get into South Carolin colleges."
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