June 07, 2019

The Storyteller

I had occasion to use an Uber recently, and I feel “taken” by the driver. Feel like a sucka. “Jeffrey” self-reports* as a 60 y/o black, married 39 years, with a brother & sister who are Black Panthers, has a best friend whose son played in Super Bowl, that best friend was drafted by the Eagles but was shot in the head which ended his career though not his life. Has 96-y/o father living with his sister and drove till 93. Has a cyst in stomach that at any day could rupture (cysts aren’t fatal - found via google so I know it's true). Has son who pitches for the Texas Longhorns, a Junior (rhp) with 97mph fastball and who has put his name in for the 2019 mlb draft but has a plan B, an internship at KPMG.

So the level of detail here is pretty astonishing given it seems likely it was all made up. I suspect that’s his hobby, lying to the Uber passengers, telling made up stories. Because his kid isn’t on the Texas roster for ‘18 or ‘19, and isn’t eligible for the draft this year. No one going by the name he gave me is in draft. So I’m thinking the whole fantastic story about his friend getting shot in the head and not dying was made up as well.  Gull, meet ible, ible meet gull.

So I spent WAY too much time trying to nail down his story in order to return my faith in humanity.

* - I've decided to self-identify as a great novelist.

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