Fake Tom Cotton Memo

In the tradition of Mark Halperin’s substack fake memos here’s one: 

To Sen Cotton

From Brian Colas:

You were great in Georgia with Herschel.  It’s a shame that your shot at running for potus is dead in water until at least 2028.  John Smith in Ohio has as much chance being president in ‘24 as you at this point. I say this in love and honesty because, as you may know, the affection ordinary Americans feel for a warhawk has been greatly diminished since 2008. Obama and Trump were both helped by the perception they were against nutty wars and Biden was perceived as simply as a caretaker potus who wouldn’t do anything rash beyond sniffing hair.

Needless to say, bleeding our Treasury to “save” forsaken Ukraine makes you a nonstarter for the next election despite your smarts, likability, and formidable communication skills.  But on the positive side you would get the bulk of the Urkainian-American vote.  And since NYC schools have mandated saying the “Pledge of Allegiance to Ukraine” you would also benefit there. 

Ideally you could come up with a statement or long interview in which you explain why a border dispute between two crap countries in Eastern Europe is worth bringing the world close to nuclear war, shutting down energy to Western Europe, giving billions to Ukrainian oligarchs, etc.. I’m sure there’s a good reason!