December 27, 2005

Found Humor

I've recently moved office spaces and came across one of my beloved artifacts - a "Bomb Threat Checklist", or what to do in case you or someone else plants a bomb in the workplace. This pre-9/11 document triggers loads of gallows humor:
Bomb Threat Checklist

1. When is the bomb going to explode?
2. Where is the bomb?
3. What does it look like?
4. What kind of bomb is it?
5. What will cause it to explode?
6. Did you place the bomb?
7. Why?
8. What is your address?
9. What is your name?

Circle All Applicable Items:

Voice: Calm, Angry, Excited, Cracking, Disguised, Familiar, Deep Breathing, Stutter, Lisp, Normal, Slurred

Background Noise
: Street, Automobiles, Extra quiet, Crockery, Echo, Animal noises, Music

Language: Well Spoken, Irrational, Taped, Foul, Incoherent
And of course by the time you finish this comprehensive inventory, the bomb has gone off and you are dead. (From the obit: 'He died doing his job, filling out the bomb threat checklist.') Imagine getting the phone call and saying to the bomber, "Not so fast bucko. We've got some red tape here. I'm required to fill out a bomb threat checklist and need to know if that is crockery I hear in the background. Also, do you always stutter or are you nervous because this is your first bomb?"

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