June 25, 2007

Interview with Ancient Man

Although life for Cro Magnum man was short and brutal, they didn't worry about putting on SPF before going outside or checking themselves for tics after hiking. Here is an exclusive interview with a Cro Magnum man visiting 21st century America:
Cro: Let's go outside. Don't like four walls unless it's freezin'.
Me: I'll grab my sunglasses...
Cro: What you need those for?
Me: I wear contacts which make your eyes more susceptible to glare and...
Cro: What are contacts?
Me: I don't see too well and they correct my vision.
Cro: I used to know folks with bad vision. They got eaten by coyotes. Didn't see 'em comin'.
Me: That happens. Well, not anymore I guess. I gotta put some SPF on too.
Cro: What's SPF?
Me: It's to protect from sun damage. They say in the '70s people used aerosol anti-perspirants and it eroded the ozone layer, which is an invisible layer of sky that prevents bad rays of the sun from entering.
Cro: Whatever man. You 21st century types worry too much. What's "anti-perspirant"?
Me: Well it goes along with deodorant. It keeps you from smelling and sweating.
Cro: What's wrong with smelling and sweating?
Me: Sweating leaves dark rings under your arms so when you raise them you look like dictator Hugo Chavez. No one in America wants to look like him. And smelling is embarrassing in business settings.
Cro: I see. What's that you are spraying?
Me: It's Cutter, keeps the mosquitoes away. Want some?
Cro: Sure -- that's one thing I could've used back in my day!

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